“You’ve just got to have those people in your life,” Douglas explains, again in his simple-as-that manner.
He tells me:
I know the hell people go through. I’ve been there; I’ve even been suicidal.
“But at some point, you look at yourself and say, ‘Do I want to just give up, or do I want to survive?’ And that’s what having others who’ve been through the same thing is for… to understand all that good and all that bad… ‘Cause there’s a whole lotta bad.”
All the survivors I meet express a desire for a support group, but they say SBIF isn’t a group to which they can relate.
I think of Melanie’s story, noting again that survivors indicate age as an important factor in relating to others – as well as something largely missing from SBIF.
What helps you relate to others? Or what makes you want to share?
Groups tend to attract more members when the group has greater similarity and thus, a higher cohesiveness, meaning members are more likely to participate in group activities, benefit from the support, and stick around to support newcomers if they feel cohesive with one another (Stangor, 2013).
When group members share similar traits such as age, they find it easier to relate to one another and are more inclined to continue membership with the group. Research also indicates that similar backgrounds (e.g., brain injuries) increase interpersonal attraction to a group and group cohesiveness (Stangor, 2013; Stillman, Gilovich, & Fujita, 2014), but this is not the case for my SBIF’s survivors and me.